Mike Hickerson & David Hibiske

Parenting and Planting

About The Episode

“We overestimate how much energy we need to make an awesome church, and we underestimate how important it is to have a healthy marriage.” Today, we’re joined by hosts Mike Hickerson and David Hibiske in a church-planting conversation centered around the family side of a pastor. Often, in the hustle of church planting, pastors can fall into the trap of prioritizing work over family. This only ends up negatively affecting both the church and your family! Listen in for key takeaways and best practices to maintain strength in your family as you pursue ministry alongside them.

Welcome to Episode 020 of The Unfair Advantage Podcast with Mike Hickerson and David Hibiske.

Insights From Mike & David

MARRIAGE HEALTH

Let your kids know regularly your marriage is your top priority
- Communicate to your children that there is a solid foundation they can trust.
- This prevents anxiety in the home.
Don’t fake it in front of the kids.
- Let them see you bicker while respecting each other.
Keep things clear:
- Make sure there is peace before you go to sleep.
- When you do this in your marriage, it trickles into your parenting.

"MESSING UP" PASTORS' KIDS

The church doesn’t mess up pastors’ kids. Pastors mess up pastors’ kids.
- While there are outlier circumstances with church hurt, the church is not ultimately responsible for “messing up” pastors’ kids. Pastors hold that responsibility.
- Pastors have a responsibility in what and how they share at home as parents.
- “The way that we talk about the provision and the blessing of the church will leak onto our kids, and the way that we talk about our frustration or dysfunction of the church will leak on our kids as well.”

PRIORITIZING FAMILY TIME

This is good for your soul, but also for your family’s soul.
Be present in your family’s lives. Get into their world. Don’t bring work home.
Pay attention to how many evenings you are out. (Pre-decide how many you’ll be out in a week. Book time with your family and don’t let it be moveable.)
When you say no to some ministry time, you’ll get that back later–you won’t get time with your kids back later.

Episode Links

Do ministry together! Three gatherings, nine planters, one cohesive journey. Check out the Ascent Leader Church Planter Cohorts. Get more information today at: https://theascentleader.org/cohorts/

Who Are Mike Hickerson & David Hibiske?

Mike Hickerson is the Lead Pastor of Mission Church in Ventura, CA. Mike describes himself as a church planter, lucky husband, outnumbered dad of three daughters, Oklahoma Sooner fan, coffee addict, and a struggling surfer.

David Hibiske is the Pastor of Strategic Ministry Initiatives at Saddleback Church. He grew up in Wilmington, NC before moving to Fort Worth, TX to attend Southwestern Seminary. David met his wife, Kendall, while in Seminary and they have two daughters, Ella and Avery, and one son, Andrew. After completing his Master of Divinity, David and Kendall moved to San Jose, CA to join the staff team at South Bay Church (now Echo Church). In 2022, God called them to head to Southern California and join the team at Saddleback Church where David now serves as Pastor of Strategic Ministry Initiatives.

Quotes From Episode

“One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is a great marriage.” ~ David Hibiske

“When we have a marriage that practices keeping things clear, it comes into our parenting.” ~David Hibiske

“If you have low-level contempt for each other, your children will know.” ~Mike Hickerson

“The church doesn’t mess up pastors’ kids. Pastors mess up pastors’ kids.” ~Mike Hickerson

“The way that we talk about the provision and the blessing of the church will leak onto our kids, and the way that we talk about our frustration or dysfunction of the church will leak on our kids as well.” ~ Mike Hickerson

“We overestimate how much energy we need to make an awesome church and we underestimate how important it is to have a healthy marriage.” ~ Mike Hickerson

“We don’t want the people that we love the most to get the least of us energy-wise or emotionally.” ~ Mike Hickerson

Our goal with the Ascent Leader and our church planting cohorts is to help church planters win early and finish strong. We want to resource you so that you can avoid common pitfalls and simple mistakes. Being involved in a community of leaders like our church planting cohorts is one of the best ways to wrestle through these questions. We’re here to help you, if we can be of assistance to you please feel free to reach out.

Contact our team: ops@theascentleader.org

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